angryYa know..
I have a question.. When do you stop trying to be a friend? I mean, when you put forth an effort to be friends with someone that you've known for a very long time, and they don't say it, but you get the feeling that your really not wanted..
So, like, when do you just give up and stop trying to do the "christian" thang? I have tried so many times.. OK>> in short... There is this "friend" of mine that I have known for years, and a long while back she did something pretty bad to another friend of mine.. We all went to church together.. Both had families, and one move by the one friend.. well.. pretty much screwed the whole thing up.. Both families and messed a lot of folk up in the church.. ME~ well.. I had been in many different places at that time, and knew that no one was perfect.. DONE learned the lesson "don't keep your eyes on man, they will let you down, but keep your eyes on God".. SO~ I was far from being mean or hateful to the one friend that fell into a world of "OH CRAP< WHAT HAVE I DONE!".. I was a friend to her while she was around.. The mishap came and had gone.. and she left with it.. Came back into my life a while ago, and now really acts like I am an enemy.. Her and the other one that she did it too! BOTH are best friends, and diss me.. (only word that describes what kinda additude I get from them) OH YEAH>> to my face, there nice, but behind my back.. different story.. I don't get it????
I wasn't, nor was I ever brought into the "crap" the one did to the other.. BUT, now.. they act as if I was the one that did it.. MAN! I feel like I am in school again, when your the third tag along..
I just kinda step back~ and watch.. they are so loving to everyone else but me.. I don't get it!
It hurts, but, more so ~ TICKS ME OFF~
Its like... makes ya wanna loose what "goodness" you try to hold onto.. Just to tell them a mouth full.. and what they can do with theirselves.
But, I don't.. I just sit back and let them do what they do to me..
I already live out in the boonies.. and very little folks that I can call a friend.. or even talk to..
SO~ this is a big deal to me.. Ya know, I am a type of person that when I call you a friend, I treasure you. You know.. the "treat them like you wanna be treated".. WHat happened to that? Doesn't anyone do that anymore? AM I that old fashion? I just can't be mean! I wanna at times.. BUT ITS SOO SOOO NOT IN ME>> Sometimes, I really wish it was.. I guess, I think it might feel good to get out some frustration by taking it out in other means than what I do to release stress.. NONE in which, includes being rude, or hateful.
Would there be satisfaction? I wanna scream, hollar, cry, hit.. SO MAD!
I don't know what makes me madder.. The fact that we are adults and they act this way still.. or I had nothing to do with the "fooling around with"~ so why are they chappin me~so totally ticked cause I have done nothing and yet I am being treated as if I have..
OH MAN>>> I so needed to vent tonight. I am usually not this way.. SO forgive me.
I just wanna go back under my rock and forget trying to reach out to anyone.. cause this is the chance you take when you do. Don't matter if your ugly, beautiful, rich, or poor.. there is someone that will always treat you like crap, and use you for something till you have nothing to give.. Or try ya till you have nothing else to give..
I think I might be there. The last thing I got to give.. Is giving up. I am tired of trying with them.. They won't even notice I'm not around anymore, nor will they loose any sleep.
If I were a friend in their eyes, I wouldn't of been the only one trying..
Reality hurts.
